September 09, 2011


Wow. This baby thing is... wow.

Thanks though for all your well wishes and baby loot. Thank you especially to all of you with the expert advice and helping us watch her. We really do appreciate every little thing you do and you've helped to make this a great experience for us.

Thank you.

P.S. It seems her spirit-animal has been speaking up for her and imbuing her with mystic energies. Her superheroine name is THE DUCKLING -and you cannot resist her powers of adorableness.

August 05, 2011


She was born just before noon (Utah-time) 2011.08.05. Weight: 6 pounds, 11 ounces. Height: 19.5 inches. Her first name is Madeleine, but we'll be calling her by her middle name: Victoria.

October 01, 2010


The next 31 days are dedicated almost exclusively to Cucurbita etcetera. Pumpkin pies, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin ravioli, pumpkin cookies, toasted pumpkin seeds, cold pumpkin soup -everything edible. Kudos also to pumpkin candles, pumpkin incense, pumpkin potpourri, and everything smell-o-ble. Now is also the time for screening your PUMPKINHEADs (1988) and queueing up your NIGHTMAREs BEFORE CHRISTMAS (1993). Go ye now and rejoice.

September 27, 2010


i do hereby declare this to have been the first day of Autumn.

The morning air was cool, i wore plaid to work, and i smelled fireplace smoke when i got home.

January 01, 2010

In Cyberspace No One Cares If You Scream

There are, however, exceptions to that rule. And we, the staff at Keeferman.Net, are here with a reminder that Keeferman cares.

Crimefightin' ain't easy though and it'll take a lot outta ya. After a brief hiatus, Keeferman's ready to get back down to work. 2009 was a great year -and not just because it was the Year of the Ox. 2010, the Year of the Space Odyssey, promises to be even better, but you've got to remember to do your part. Goverment stipends aren't as big as they used to be, corporate sponsorship in these situations is a tricky ethical tightrope to walk, and guild regulations limit the size (though not the Quantity) of gifts from individual public donors. Keeferman does, however, have expenses and a family to support.

You're civic-minded, but maybe you haven't really had the opportunity to express yourself. Perhaps you've been meaning to donate, but were just waiting for the right time. Well, it could be that the time is now. Why don't we all present Keeferman with symbolic gestures of respect and appreciation? Let's all give 'til it hurts.

Afterall, you gotta Give love to get love.

Thank you and Happy New Year,

-the Staff

P.S. Please forward all requests for acts of heroism to helpline @ . There's no need to scream in ALL CAPS though. Keeferman considers every inquiry to be critically important.

December 28, 2009

Call and Response

i know. i know. It's been a long month and no news. Thanks to many of you for your inquiries and, to all, please accept my apologies. In addition to the logs of my December adventures, the following subjects WERE on my mind, but never actually made it to post.
-The New Wave of New Wave
-French performance art based on Star Wars
-The rabid perniciousness of ironically-antisocial networking like Facebook, Twitter, etc.

As I'm sure many of you experienced yourselves, December (starting with the Thanksgiving Effect) was crazybusy. Already working with a skeleton crew at my day job, we lost even more ground as the various human assets cycled through their hard-earned vacation time. Joanderwoman and i went to half a dozen Xmas celebrations. We hosted our own Umpteenth Annual How the Grinch Stole Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa and Festivus Party. We roadtripped to Tennessee and Indianapolis. I slacked off on my workouts and even neglected to make it in for a blood donation this month (both of which will get back on track in 2010). i can and shall do better.

More to follow.

In the meantime... you be careful out there.

November 16, 2009

First Loser

i have sad news to report.

Every season, around 1000 teams form to compete for the Atlanta trivia championship. Of those teams, 75 qualify for the tourney at the end. Team Keeferman usually finishes in the Top 10, but has never won it all. Tourney runners-up is the best we've managed -and that's not good enough.

Unfortunately, this past weekend, we just repeated that humility. Again, our team failed to live up to it's brainpower. We finished 2nd. This apology is directed first and foremost to my teammates, whom i let down. If only I'd known the lasT name of the Nick who performed "Hot Child In the City" in 1978...

November 06, 2009

V (for Vendetta)

i forgot, i forgot -the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot!

October 10, 2009

Best. Cameo. Evar.

ZOMBIELAND. If you haven't seen it yet, you have to see it.

September 21, 2009


For the last week of rain rain rain, I've been bemoaning the embarrassment of not being able to mow my already overgrown lawn. Of course that minor inconvenience was just the tip of an iceberg. Highest elevation of any state capital east of the Mississippi and we've got kerrAzy flooding going on right now. Highways blocked and stranded motorists. Houses up to their gutters in floodwater. Drownings. Entire school districts cancelling classes. Urban and suburban insanity...

Continue reading "NO JOKE" »

September 15, 2009

You Can't Fade Me

If thAt is the best you can do, Captain Monkeypox, i don't have anything to worry about this Cold & Flu Season. One minor metabolic flutter and i am BACK IN BLACK, babies. Bring on the H1N1 and the Ebola. i can take it. For everybody else though (the CDC lists pregnant women, infant caregivers, and people from 6 months through 24 years of age among the vulnerable populations), you really should think about getting vaccinated.

September 14, 2009

Meow is the time, supervillains, to strike.

Yesterday i felt fine when i came into work. Then i had some coffee. Then it went downhill from there.

I'm pretty sure someone slipped me a kryptonite mickey.

By lunchtime i was feeling pretty punked, so i skipped my Centennial Park workout/patrol and just chilled. i felt alittle guilty, but not enough to fight the lazy. By 5pm i was past "Do i feel weird?" and well into "This is not good." i held out 'til 8pm quittin' time and then headed home. On the ride home i was imagining what I'd tell the police if my general wooziness turned into straying-over-the-line. Kept my focus, made it home fine, skipped dinner, took a shower, went to bed. Earliest bedtime in Years.

i woke up around 11 though, sHiVeRiNg uncontrollably. Not cool. i put on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but still it took about 5 minutes for me to warm up and for the shakes to pass. The good news is that i slept fine most of the night. Weird news is that my left ankle throbbed in pain a few times and woke me up. Weird. What was that all about?

Waking up and getting outta bed was no more difficult than i expected. Made it to work fine. Settled in.

i don't know how today's going to go, but i feel as weak as a kitten.

June 15, 2009

The Great Debate

i loVe how Canada is pretty much the worst nightmare of the doomsayers (Socialism worse even than Taxachusetts or Regulafornia), but it's actually doing Quite well for itself...
Literacy: 99% (same as U.S.)
Per Capita GDP: $39,183 (big enough to make The G-8)
9,984,670 sq km (bigger than the U.S.)
33,000,000 people (between Australia and England)

"LOOK AT THEIR HEALTHCARE!" the unfair and unbalanced scream.
Okay, let's ACTUALLY look at it -instead of just spreading gossip...

Continue reading "The Great Debate" »

December 31, 2008



Has it really been a year already?

Biggest story's gotta be BARACK OBAMA, baby! Then (guess what) it's the economy, stupid. -Everything after that is distant thirds. Distant.

Continue reading "No WAY!" »

December 09, 2008

Don't Even Try It

Atlanta traffic, as everybody knows, is terrible. Atlanta air quality is pretty bad too. There's an HOV lane for cool people though and everybody knows you gotta be driving a lower emission vehicle (like a motorcycle) or you gotta be carpooling with other passengers in order to use it. I'm only human, so I've been tempted many times to solo it, but ultimately i know it's wrong and i expect I'd get caught anyway -so i don't.

Today's the second day in a row I've seen individuals get busted by Georgia State Patrol for illegally commuting down the HOV. Hah! That's what you GET! These HOV incentives (and their enforcement) are there for a reason, people. Even if you're villain enough to disregard a righteous law, it's not worth the ticket just to shave a few minutes off your drive to work. You WILL get busted.

August 18, 2008


-----Original Message-----
From: sasha woodman []
Sent: Monday, August 18, 2008 9:07 AM
Subject: Confirmation email Reference No (14-23-16-40-48)

You have won, One million Euros in the Euro millions Email Sweepstakes Program Corporation, held on the 8th of August. 2008. in Brussels Belgium. We write to officially notify you of this award and to advise you to contact the processing office immediately upon the receipt of this message. for the claim.

Continue reading "I WON! I WON!" »

January 01, 2008

Happy New Year

Dear Fans, Friends, and Family,

Crimefightin' ain't easy and it'll take a lot outta ya. After a brief hiatus, Keeferman's ready to get back down to work.

2007 was a great year -and not just because Keeferman moved into Keefermansion with his new family. 2008 promises to be even better, but you've got to remember to do your part. Goverment stipends aren't as big as they used to be, corporate sponsorship in these situations is unethical, and regulations limit the size (though not the Quantity) of gifts from individual public donors. Keeferman does, however, have expenses and a family to support.

Continue reading "Happy New Year" »

February 19, 2007

Gladius to Meet You

I've been thinking. There's something that's been on my mind for awhile and I've finally resolved to do something about it. I'm not sure where to begin, so I'm just going to come out and say it.

Continue reading "Gladius to Meet You" »

January 01, 2007

2006: the Year in Review

2006 was a year full of "me time" for everybody's favorite real-life superhero. While continuing to engage in the standard crime-fighting and world-saving, Keeferman did some travelling and (sorry, ladies) he even made time to get married. Yes, Keeferman got engaged just after midnight on January 1st 2006 and was married by the day before Thanksgiving. His longtime confidant Ms. Darc is now Mrs. Keeferman and they're looking forward to fighting the good fight... Together now.

Continue reading "2006: the Year in Review" »

November 08, 2006

Election Results 2006

My People,

As a superhero, Keeferman ran on a platform of law & order. With the notable exception of the protection of individual civil liberties, Keeferman considers “rule of law” the foundation of the American way of life. Our success and our future successes are bound to it’s vigorousness. Recently however, monied interests have combined with corrupt incumbents to cast deep, dark shadows upon our national landscape. Enron and the Abramoff scandals are only the tip of the iceberg. There is more work to be done. Also, as much as radical Islam (among others) is a threat from overseas, so too is the threat of radical Conservatism a danger from within. FREEDOM goes hand-in-hand with the rule of law in our American system. “Progress” is the key word in any consideration of our future. God bless America.

Continue reading "Election Results 2006" »

November 06, 2006

Election-eve Electioneering

Friends, Atlantans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come here not to praise Democrats, but to bury incumbents. This Tuesday, amid all the hoopla, I'd like to call upon each of you to make a statement to your government. I'd like you to vote for me, Keeferman.

Continue reading "Election-eve Electioneering" »