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Election-eve Electioneering

Friends, Atlantans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come here not to praise Democrats, but to bury incumbents. This Tuesday, amid all the hoopla, I'd like to call upon each of you to make a statement to your government. I'd like you to vote for me, Keeferman.

Yes, it's true. While I'm not actually Running running, I'd appreciate your votes. My slogan is "KEEFERMAN: FOR WHATEVER YOU GOT" and I'm a write-in candidate. If you see someone running unopposed (and you know they can't lose anyway), write me in. If you see some incumbent felon still on the ballot, but you can't bring yourself to vote for their gutless challenger, write me in. If you haven't done alotta homework and you have no idea who these two people running for "Comptroller" are, write me in. Write me in for ANYthing. If you're really excited about this project, feel free to write me in for Everything.

My qualifications? Well, beyond my obvious superhero resume', they're numerous and sundry. One Tuesday, for a high school Government class, I spent 4 hours as a volunteer polling station attendant. In college I was a Senator in the Indiana University Student Association. Not only that, but I also served as the nearly-omnipotent Chairman of the IUSA Central Committee. I served as the student representative on numerous University boards. I was active in the Phi Alpha Delta Pre-Law fraternity and was chosen for a leadership position as our plenipotentiary Pledge Trainer. I also worked on the successful campaigns for Mayor Tomilea Allison (Bloomington), State Representative Mark Kruzan, and U.S. Representative Lee Hamilton. I have, however, been out of political life and into the private sector for a number of years now in a number of cover "day jobs". I’ve seen the gritty side of less-than-minimum-wage restaurant server jobs and I’ve lived the white-collar I.T. life monitoring hardware servers. I’ve seen it all. I also watch CNN, FoxNews.com, and I listen to National Public Radio. On top of all that, my mom says I’ve still got tremendous potential. Just ask her (317-###-####).

On the off chance that I actually AM elected to be your Dog Catcher or County Commissioner, I'd be willing to quit my day job, pack up my family, and head to your town or county. I am that serious about public service. I love you people that much. (Plus... no doubt, the idea of me wearing a badge piques my fiancee’s interest.)

I'm Keeferman and I approve this message.
[Paid for by People for Keeferman and keeferman.net]

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