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January 12, 2009

I Have a Dream. (A very bad dream.)

Zombies hit the Obama administration and they hit it hard. The Secret Service did what they could, but they couldn't possibly have been prepared for wave after wave of the undead. And those brave guys in the Capitol Police went down fighting. By the time Homeland Security had mobilized, it was too late. The White House was gone.

Thank God my wife was safe.

We were there for some state dinner. Everybody was dressed nice and we were all expecting a quiet evening. Then the zombies busted in. There were screaming people and broken glass everywhere. There was spilled wine and blood everywhere. It was such a mad crowded rush that you couldn't tell the guests from the partycrashers until they were right on top of you. I have no idea how many bodies we scrambled over just to make it to higher ground. Eventually though, we rallied around The Capital Building and made our stand. The last of those shamblers went down under my flamethrower less than 48 hours after the attack had begun.

Damn clumsy assassination attempt.

I'm gonna make them sumb!tches at Halliburton pay though.

I'll make 'em pay.

January 05, 2009

This Is the NEW "Business Casual"

"I'm bringing it back."

That's what i said when they asked me why I'm wearing a tie.

"You and your polo shirts bore me to death. It's time for something new around here. I'm bringing The Tie back."

Then they asked me why I'm wearing jeans.

"They're more comfortable than slacks or suitpants or whatever."

I'm bringing it back, but I'm bringing it back MY WAY.

I'm rocking it interrobang-style.

I'm wearing a tie AND I'm wearing jeans.

The sartorial equivalent of a mullet.

Yeah. You heard me. I said it.

"Business up top,
party down below."

[UPDATE: In response to the curiousity and concerns of some of my fans, I've done some research. According to GQ: "Classic jeans and tie, OK. Experimental jeans and tie, forget it." i wear plain-ole-classic-Levis, so I'm cool.]

January 01, 2009

What a Difference a Day Makes

so this is the new year.
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

so this is the new year
and I have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back.

there'd be no distance that could hold us back (x2)

so this is the new year (x4)

[special thanks to Deathcab for Cutie and Barsuk Records]