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November 08, 2006

Election Results 2006

My People,

As a superhero, Keeferman ran on a platform of law & order. With the notable exception of the protection of individual civil liberties, Keeferman considers “rule of law” the foundation of the American way of life. Our success and our future successes are bound to it’s vigorousness. Recently however, monied interests have combined with corrupt incumbents to cast deep, dark shadows upon our national landscape. Enron and the Abramoff scandals are only the tip of the iceberg. There is more work to be done. Also, as much as radical Islam (among others) is a threat from overseas, so too is the threat of radical Conservatism a danger from within. FREEDOM goes hand-in-hand with the rule of law in our American system. “Progress” is the key word in any consideration of our future. God bless America.

I’m sorry to report that, despite your support, Keeferman did not outright win any positions this election cycle. However, Keeferman does consider the progress we’ve made (on this completely spontaneous project) to be a “win” in and of itself. The Establishment and the powers-that-be are now on notice. No longer may special interests or monied conglomorates wield unadulterated influence over our government. No longer may allegedly silent majorities impose tyranny upon a tolerant populace. The will of the people has been expressed rather vociferously over the past couple of years. Yesterday it became a resounding chorus. “You Are On Notice!” We will not go quietly into that good night.

As you know, Keeferman (being of the people, by the people, and for the people) is a moderate liberal. Make no mistake, there are some Democratic Party platform issues with which Keeferman disagrees vehemently and Keeferman considers his objective moderation one of his primary strengths. That said, Keeferman finds himself very optimistic about the new national political picture. A strong believer in “balanced government”, Keeferman appreciates the checks and balances of politically divided Executive and Legislative branches. Right now the Democrats have won the House. The Senate is still up for grabs. As of this morning the Senate is tied at 49-49 with two races too close to call. It’s looking favorable though (insha Allah). In Montana the opposition party are up by less than 1%. In Virginia they’re up by less than 1%. (It will, however, be weeks before all the certification processes are done and winners declared.)

In short: it’s a new dawn on a new day in America.

Allah akbar and God bless America.


November 06, 2006

Election-eve Electioneering

Friends, Atlantans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come here not to praise Democrats, but to bury incumbents. This Tuesday, amid all the hoopla, I'd like to call upon each of you to make a statement to your government. I'd like you to vote for me, Keeferman.

Yes, it's true. While I'm not actually Running running, I'd appreciate your votes. My slogan is "KEEFERMAN: FOR WHATEVER YOU GOT" and I'm a write-in candidate. If you see someone running unopposed (and you know they can't lose anyway), write me in. If you see some incumbent felon still on the ballot, but you can't bring yourself to vote for their gutless challenger, write me in. If you haven't done alotta homework and you have no idea who these two people running for "Comptroller" are, write me in. Write me in for ANYthing. If you're really excited about this project, feel free to write me in for Everything.

My qualifications? Well, beyond my obvious superhero resume', they're numerous and sundry. One Tuesday, for a high school Government class, I spent 4 hours as a volunteer polling station attendant. In college I was a Senator in the Indiana University Student Association. Not only that, but I also served as the nearly-omnipotent Chairman of the IUSA Central Committee. I served as the student representative on numerous University boards. I was active in the Phi Alpha Delta Pre-Law fraternity and was chosen for a leadership position as our plenipotentiary Pledge Trainer. I also worked on the successful campaigns for Mayor Tomilea Allison (Bloomington), State Representative Mark Kruzan, and U.S. Representative Lee Hamilton. I have, however, been out of political life and into the private sector for a number of years now in a number of cover "day jobs". I’ve seen the gritty side of less-than-minimum-wage restaurant server jobs and I’ve lived the white-collar I.T. life monitoring hardware servers. I’ve seen it all. I also watch CNN, FoxNews.com, and I listen to National Public Radio. On top of all that, my mom says I’ve still got tremendous potential. Just ask her (317-###-####).

On the off chance that I actually AM elected to be your Dog Catcher or County Commissioner, I'd be willing to quit my day job, pack up my family, and head to your town or county. I am that serious about public service. I love you people that much. (Plus... no doubt, the idea of me wearing a badge piques my fiancee’s interest.)

I'm Keeferman and I approve this message.
[Paid for by People for Keeferman and keeferman.net]